Not Lost

Got a text from M today. Says, in these exact words "do i need to come find you?"

I am not lost. I am not hiding. I still live in the same apartment, still work at the same place. In a town 10 minutes away from you. If it's hide and seek you're wanting to play, it won't be a very interesting game because I will be exactly where you expect.

I refuse to respond to his threats, so I say nothing. He doesn't say anything else. I wait. I wonder if he will actually show up. I wonder if he even wants to see P, or if he just wants to play games. It's never simple with him. If it were, we wouldn't be in this situation.

P has not asked about his daddy at all. It's like he knows. Knows that he ditched him, and he's going to show him that he doesn't care. That he's better off. That he has tons of people that love him so much and would drop everything to come see him.

I do not talk bad about M to anyone, especially P. I do not talk about him at all to anyone. Only here. If someone asks where he's been, I say I don't know. People notice he doesn't come around.

I don't want P to be the kid with the dad who could care less. I don't want kids to feel bad when they have Father-Son events and P's daddy doesn't show up. He deserves better. He deserves everything.

I can give him everything else in the world. But I can't give him a caring, thoughtful, loving dad. I can't be mom and dad all rolled into one. I can't.